Shepard's Weakness
by a.shepard.m
Summary: Shepard's been captured, and she has to go through her life again, but might as well have some fun along the way. Take the roads that haven't been traveled...


_Maybe if I close my eyes, then everything will become clear, then maybe I will know what to do and how to solve this problem_, Shepard thought tiredly and began to close her eyes, trying to fight the all the aches and pains she was feeling, _I'm so sorry everyone, I failed you again_...

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"Sir, she's not resisting anymore."

"Okay, go ahead with the procedure doctor, and let's hope that we can change the course of the future."

"Is that wise? She played such a huge part that things might change catastrophically and every-"

"Are you questioning me?"

"No sir, I just thought tha-"

"Well don't think. That's not your job. Your job is to make sure that everything is going smoothly and goes how we want it too."

"Yes sir."

The tall figure walks away crisply with his hands behind his back. With every footstep it sends a chill up the doctor's spine, as he recently heard about what happened to the person who he replaced from his co-workers. Safe to say, that he probably doesn't want to get on the boss's bad side, whoever he is.

_You would think that I could at least get a lunch break too. Shepard really wasn't working with us today_, he thought sadly.

He looks at her, and even though it appears that she's sleeping soundly, she's not. The rapid eye movement and subtle movements of her hands show that she seems to be going through... something.

_Torture? Brainwash? Nightmares? Whatever the hell it is, I would never wish it on her... _

He looks back to her scans, as her heartbeat is normal, but the beta wave scan is off the charts. He writes down the numbers next to yesterday's data and writes comparison notes, stating that with the more she struggles, the more the experiment seems to take over.

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What. The. Fuck.

Shepard rubs her eyes even harder to the point that she's about to cry from the pain, and looks up again. She looks at the terminals in front of her and makes sure that she's reading this correctly.

_I could have sworn that I had just finished my N7 training, how am I a Lt. Commander on the ship called the "Normandy"? And why does it feel like I'm missing an important step..._

"Commander, can I help you with something?"

Pen looks down and sees Joker, and has the strangest urge to hug the man, but knows that she shouldn't... because he's fragile? _But I've never met him before, right?_ She shakes her head.

"No, sorry just lost in thought."

He nodded and went back to talking to the man sitting on his right who also had terminals blinking at him and showing him information of the ship's components and where their current destination is.

_Lt. Alenko, L2 biotic, unable to wear heavy armor, has possible migraines and the quickest way to cure them is to rub his temples in a dark room and kiss his forehead softly, then and slowly watch him fall asleep. _

_Wait. What was that? _

_Where did those thoughts come from? How do I know that? Why do I have the biggest urge to grab his butt and kiss him?_

She hears the smallest voice in her head speak to her firmly but with the slighest tone of amusement**, "Because you've been through this already, he was supposed to be your soul mate, remember?"**

Shepard grabs the side of her head in confusion and frustration and feels a tiny bump on the edge of her jaw line, that she doesn't remember getting. She touches it softly, rubbing her finger over it gently, afraid of what the consequences are if she moves or damages it.

**"That's what He gave you. The doctor promised that he would make you feel better and help you find your crew."**

_My crew? Who's my crew? What's going on?_

**"Try to remember Penelope, you promised yourself that you would remember."**

_Okay, voice in my head, __I don't__. I don't even remember making that promise to myself. Everything feels like déjà vu. Like I've already relived... I've already lived all of this. That's it._

**"But no matter what you do, you can't stop his plan. He means to change everything that has happened to create an alternative universe by using your weakness."**

_My weakness? What's my weakness?_

She thinks desperately, wondering who the fuck this doctor was and where he is. How much more information could she remember, if supposedly she's already gone through all this?

_Well, remember that the voice in your head told you that you relived this. And that's something you can always rely on,_ she thinks sarcasticaly, wondering if she should take it's warning seriously. _Maybe I need be checked out_. Penny racked her brain, to remember anything. Surely if she can remember the pilot and Alenko, she could remember the things that happened on the SR-1. Shepard couldn't explain it, but knew something big was going to happen before they landed at the...

Shepard glanced at the terminal once more, which read: Destination: Citadel.

_That's doesn't feel right. They were supposed to be going... somewhere else. Somewhere that reminds her of death, destruction, nightmares..._

"My family!" She shouted as her eyes got big and quickly clapped her hand over her mouth. With no warning, she felt like cold ice water had been poured over her and a headache pulsed under her skull as all the information from her past came back to her all at once. She was supposed to be dead, trapped under some rubble at the Citadel breathing her last breaths while trying to destroy the Reapers. The Reapers.

_What happened to the Reapers?_

"Forgot something Commander?" Joker looks back at her with a smirk but then looks worried when he sees that she looks like she's about to have a panic attack. "I'm sure if you needed something, you could ask Anderson to put in a order for you or you could go see Chakwas."

"We won't be going to the Citadel," she mutters and shakes her head as she finally accepts what's happening to her. She remembers this, all of this, the missions, deaths, failures, comradely, and the war. They're making her relive it all over again? For what purpose? _I don't want to relive this, I don't want to remember... the emptiness of leaving everyone behind, and so many people dead..._

"You'll be ordered to go somewhere else in about twenty minutes, just a heads up." Shepard mentions to him nonchalantly. She sobers up and starts walking out of the cockpit, rubbing her temples, leaving two puzzled men behind.

"Um, thanks for letting me know," he shakes his head at her and looks at the terminal at the oncoming voice message, " Commander, Anderson needs to ta-"

"I know Joker, tell him I'll be there for his meeting in five."

Joker nods, then glares accusingly at Alenko, "You just had to tell her my name, didn't you? Try to get a shot into her pants before anyone else on this ship?"

Alenko looks at him with amusement, "This was my first time meeting her, I literally have not said anything to her and haven't even introduced myself. I just figured that you two knew each other from before. How else would she know your name?"

She overhears part of their conversation and walks briskly as to not hear the rest of the argument that is sure to come. Penny sighs deeply and pats the rails lovingly while realizing how hard this could be, to try to stay calm and not give away all the information she knows.

_I loved this ship, so many good memories I do need to be careful about what I say, I don't want to revel that I know what's going to happen in the future or else everyone will think I'm going nuts, just calm down and remember, you've never done this, you've never met these people._

Pressely comes up and salutes her, "Commander, I just wanted to take the time to say that I'm glad you're aboard this ship. Your reputation is that you're the best, and that's what Anderson needs. Young and focused people like you."

Penny looks up and grins and replies back cheekily, "What did I tell you about saluting Pressely?"

"Ma'am?" He tries to think if she's ever told her about her policy of saluting, but it's not coming to him.

"You're the XO. I'm not that strict about those kind of things, I'd rather be friendly and be the one buying drinks for everyone. We're on the same side anyways." She says it like it's obvious, and with each word, she's filled with more and more dread. _You know, you've got work on this 'think before you speak' thing._

"Ma'am, I'm sorry to correct you, but you're the XO. Captain Anderson assigned you specifically for his crew and forbids alcohol on the ship." He states, his expression showing that he's completely serious and isn't joking around.

Shepard tries to think quickly on her feet, as to recover some of her pride and supposedly this image that Pressely has of her.

"You're completely correct, I was just giving you the mandatory... test. To make sure that you know what's going on. Such as those things inquiring of who's the XO and the rules of liquor on the ship. Carry on."

She groans inwardly as he salutes to her again. He turns around slowly, looking through his memos and mail on his datapad to see if he missed the message of this mandatory test.

_What are you supposed to be doing now?_ She glances at the ceiling, waiting for answer to pop out of thin air while tapping her foot. _Anderson. He's waiting for you._

She quickly jogs to make up for lost time, and sees Chakwas and Jenkins talking by the conference room and her heart leaps for joy. She slows down and gives Jenkins a fleeting hug and Chakwas a longer one. Shepard looks at Jenkins and says, "You'll always be on my mind, and in my heart." Penny then looks at the doctor and says proudly, "Thank you for everything you have done. I truly couldn't have done it without you." She then runs to the door, yelling behind her, "See you guys around!", and disappears.

"I didn't know that she's a hugger doc."

"I wasn't aware of it either, as in her psych profile, she's shown a pattern that she's always been a loner. More independent than anything."

"Well, I'm not complaining. I just got hugged by the Blitz savior, and not to mention, the hottest woman on the ship."

"It would be better Jenkins if you focused on your data from the armory?"

"Everything is ship shape doc, but I know what you're getting at, I'm just ready to get out of this ship soon and tell my family about my adventures in space, and that I'm always on the Commander's mind and heart." He gives Chakwas a wink when she laughs softly and walks back the armory, wondering if she said that to everyone else on the crew.

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Shepard skids to a halt and sees Nihilus looking forward, in a proper parade stance.

"I was hoping we would be able to meet in private Commander."

He flicks in mandibles in what's supposed to be a smile, but turns more into a grimace. She studies him a bit and doesn't respond. She moves her head upward, then downward while he looks at her.

He refuses to feel uncomfortable, so he steps toward her and continues to talk to her.

"So, tell me about Eden Prime, I've heard that it-"

"You've heard that it's like a paradise and want to know my opinion. Well, I did live there for a couple of years, and it's great place to live. Maybe you should move on to the point that we're not actually going to the Citadel, but that's just a front for everyone on the ship. You want to...", she wiggles her fingers at her head, pretending to be mind reading his thoughts, "assess me and have put my name forward for the Spectre position...", she stops and looks at him thoughtfully, then continues, "and you'll be assessing me and reporting to the Council of whether I am good enough to join."

He stares blankly at her, his mandibles not giving anything away but his eyes show anger. How the hell did she find this out, and how did she catch him off guard? No one did that.

"Yes, that's precisely it. I'm glad to know that you have your inside people relaying information to you, as that will be useful in the future."

She rolled her eyes, and is about to blurt out that she just wanted to skip the pointless five minute conversation with him when Anderson walks in.

He gives her a look over and nods, "Shepard, so since you already know what's going on, you'll also realize how important this is to humanity. Do you think you're ready for this?"

_Might as well mix things up, see where it takes us. I've always been the perfect solider on and off field, time to take some risks._

"Sir, I think I am ready and..."

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Cliffhanger! This is a really rough draft, but I just had this idea pop into my head, so write a review of what you think and tell me some things you want her to do and she just might take your advice!


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